Monthly Archives: January 2010

Five Thoughts on a Friday… The (Insert witty phrase here) Edition

Another Friday is upon us. And just in time, we have five thoughts queued up and ready to go!

  1. It’s going to be a weekend without football. Sorry, the Pro Bowl doesn’t count. Especially with it not being in Hawaii this year. I thought the whole reason of having the Pro Bowl was a thinly veiled excuse for going to Hawaii.
  2. It’s great that technology has made it so easy for people to try to help, even in the smallest of ways with a disaster like the earthquake in Haiti. Just texting “Haiti” to 90999 will let you donate $10. That’s great, and incredibly easy. What bothers me is all the promos that I see after it. “Standard Messaging and Data rates may apply”. Wait, so you’ll make it incredibly easy for someone to donate – but then the cell companies want their cut of a text who’s only purpose is to try to help people in need? Sprint, Verizon, AT&T and the rest of you – shame on you. Here’s an idea folks… Go to and donate $10.25 directly. Give THEM the extra cash the phone companies are charging.
  3. There’s “striking when the iron is hot” and then there’s perfect timing. Sears hit it perfect this week with the continuation of their ad campaign with Brett Favre lampooning himself on his decision making. The Vikings lost (Thus immediately commencing the “will he be back?” discussion), and what comes out in the online advertisements? The “Not Sure, Ask Brett” campaign – with Brett Favre shaking a magic “4” ball, complete with answers like “I’m not sure”. At least the guy has a sense of humor about it!
  4. There’s something very unique about the thermodynamics of Pop-tarts. Somehow, you can put them into a toaster at (for example) 350 degrees for 30 seconds. Yet somehow, when they come out of that 350 degree toaster – they are now closer to 500 degrees. How do they do that?
  5. Last week, as a joke – I tagged the Five Thoughts post with “cleavage” and “bikini” after laughing at a discussion of Warcraft armor models. We got 2 extra hits, one on each tag. So much for using tags like that to drive up traffic.  I know what we can go with! “Boobies!”

Ok folks, that’s 5 and as promised…. BOOBIES!

Blue Footed Boobies, no less!
What, you were expecting something else?

Later folks!

Abandon all hope….

The saying used to be “Abandon All Hope, All ye who enter here”.

It used to hang in dungeons/jails as a warning to all those entering incarceration there. Basically it was meant to say “You’re screwed. You’re done. There’s no way out of this one. Give it up.”.  These days, the simpler wording in the title of this post is probably more appropriate unless they want to start hanging the original signs in the delivery room.  Just going with “Abandon all hope” is more accurate. Once you’re born, give it up folks.

Today’s example comes from the office. No, not the funny show on television. A real office. The type of place that inspires things like Dilbert, movies like Office Space, and shows like The Office.

Now, the sad thing is – this is about a sticker. It’s a sticker that was put onto the paper towel (paper HAND towel) dispensers here at the office. Why bring this up? Because the sticker didn’t used to be there. It’s a recent addition.

So here we are folks, at the point where we once again “Abandon All Hope”. Here’s today’s example:

So we have to ask, what’s worse? The fact that the need for the sticker must have arisen because someone somewhere in the building was indeed trying to flush the paper hand towels down the toilet?


The point that neither the people ordering, the ones producing, nor the ones putting the stickers on the towel dispensers ever bothered to proofread them?

What exactly is “Please do not flush flush paper towel down toilets” supposed to mean anyways? Other than “We didn’t actually read these before we put them up, can you tell?

Yes, yes we can. Thanks. Abandon all hope folks.

Five thoughts on a Friday – the Short Week Edition

It’s Friday again. After a week like this it’s really pretty easy to understand the “Thank God” section of that saying. Anyhow, let’s see what’s on Beer’s mind for Friday. That’s right – time for 5 things!

  1. Hmm… Sales of music games (like Rock Band and Guitar Hero) seem to have cooled. Now, I don’t own any of them, but some friends do. They’re fun. The music in some of them is good. I’m just curious… they’re talking about a decline in sales. Could it have anything to do with there now being 852,763 different versions of basically the same game? I believe the word is “Oversaturation”.
  2. From the “This is kind of funny/smart department”. The US Airways plane that “landed” in the Hudson river is going up for auction. I guess they have to do something with it (It’s being auctioned off as salvage), and you just know that *someone* with too much money will want it for some reason.
  3. I need to take better notes. It never fails that I think of something and go “This would be great for Friday’s bit”, only to completely space on it later. I try to keep notes on my blackberry, the problem is I’m not going to type them in while driving. That whole “Not watching where you’re driving” thing that scares me. By the way, coming up with silly names for these  (“The …. edition”), seemed fun at the time. Sometimes it’s really easy (like last week). Sometimes, it’s a real pain!
  4. We’re just over 2 weeks out from the Superbowl. Who will it be, I have no idea. I only mention it because once we get to the Superbowl, we’re about 2 weeks from the first official rite of spring. That’s right folks. As I sit here with snow and ice on the ground… We are roughly one month from the start of spring. Spring Training, that is. “Pitchers and Catchers report”, four words that help change the seasons.
  5. This made me laugh this morning. I’ve never made a secret of the fact that I play World of Warcraft. I was reading a Q&A article at (a warcraft blog, go figure) and the subject of armor models on female characters came up. Let’s be clear here, it obvious a bunch of GUYS designed the female armor bikinis, er.. models. But what made me laugh was one of the tags they used on the blog. They actually tagged it with “Cleavage”.  I mean… wow (no pun intended). I guess if you really want to drive your hit count up, that’s one of the tags that might help. Seriously though, it’s a video game! You want cleavage, go to Victoria’s Secret, or just read the entertainment blog at CNN. Maybe I’ll tag this post with it, just to see what happens.

Ok, that’s five and I’m looking at a short day today, so I’m out of here! Have a great weekend!

Five Thoughts on a Friday – the Home Improvement Edition

No, sorry. We couldn’t get Tim Allen to write a guest spot for us this week. Probably had something to do with us not asking. The actual working title this week was “the Beer has no Kitchen right now” edition. Anyways, it’s Friday and that means it’s time to get to today’s five thoughts. So… Here we go!

  1. Drywall dust may well be the single most invasive thing on the planet. It gets everywhere. It even gets on stuff that’s covered.
  2. I find myself amused by the whole Conan O’Brien / Jay Leno / NBC thing, but that’s about it. I certainly don’t think it deserves anywhere near the coverage it’s getting. Probably has to do with the fact that I never watch any of the late night shows anymore. Something about having to be in to the office early…
  3. I can not for the life of me figure out why students at the University of Tennessee felt the need to riot when Lane Kiffin announced he was leaving to take the USC job. Based on his track record, I’d have figured the students at USC would have been doing the rioting.
  4. It’s been a fairly quiet week, I hate quiet weeks. Makes it hard to find good material. Those been a lot of coverage of the earthquake in Haiti, and rightfully so. There’s not anything funny to talk about in that situation though.
  5. Why is it that the guy in the office famous for saying “I’m not one to have meetings just for the sake of having them” is always the guy who schedules more meaningless meetings than anyone else?

Ok, that’s five and I’m staring down a 3 day weekend. Sometimes life doesn’t *totally* suck, after all.

And, just because I mentioned him earlier…

Have a great weekend folks!

I don’t care who you are..that’s funny

My fellow co-blogger and I have been on the bandwagon lately complaining about the lack of new ideas out of Hollywood.  I know, it’s nothing new and has been discussed over and over again; however, I have kinda changed my mind lately.  I hate to say it, but I think the best, most innovative ideas have been coming from the animated side of movie making.  I mean, Pixar is just beyond amazing…can those guys not take any topic and make it entertaining??  I mean, the Incredibles was just a cool story and Up!…how do you think that stuff up!!??  Anyway, the reason I bring this topic up is that I was cruising some movie trailer sites and watched the movie trailer for A-Team (by the way, if I don’t see that famous camera angle of guys flying through the air, I’m out of there!!).  I stumbled on the trailer for Despicable Me.  I’m sorry, but I know I’m going to prove my level of smarts when I say it cracked me up. I know I’m a simple man, but hell, that’s just who I am…anyway…enjoy!

Five Thoughts on a Friday

Happy Friday everyone, and welcome to the first “working” Friday of 2010 for most people. Hope everyone’s first week didn’t seem too interminably long. Even if it did though, it’s Friday now – home stretch for the weekend! And on that note, time for today’s Five Thoughts.

  1. Just want to clear something up for some people. If you’re being passed continuously on the expressway on the left and the right, the problem isn’t “Everyone driving like maniacs”. The problem, is *YOU*.  Just wanted to be clear on that one, OK?
  2. Lots of spammers sending stuff in to start the year. Some of it’s funny, some incomprehensible. Seriously guys.. if it’s just all gibberish, do you actually think anyone is going to click the link? Really? Still the personal favorite though, for humor reasons…  Cialis Softabs. Um.. isn’t cialis (and viagra) supposed to do the opposite?
  3. Have you ever listened to sports talk radio at all? Have you ever noticed just how many divorce lawyers seem to advertise there? Guys, here’s a hint… If you’re primary interests are continually exposing you to advertisements for divorce lawyers and the like. You are in a very BAD demographic. You may seriously want to reconsider some of your habits and interests.
  4. Trying to gain traction to get back into the swing here in this first workweek of the year. Not working great. Well, I take that back. There’s been a lot of progress made on researching a future vacation, but I’m not really sure that counts. I need a career change. Anyone know of any schools offering degrees in professional vacation taking? That seems like it would be a good gig.
  5. And today’s final though comes courtesy of the King. I have to say I agree with him.
    So, we’ve had our first “true” snow fall here and even though we live in the snow belt, it seems to have caught everyone by surprise.  Heck, our news stations led every news cast with stories on the snow fall.  But, I have to leave it up to my unemployed next door neighbor for the most bizarre action.  Snow blowing at 1am!!  Seriously?!  Are you waiting for the last snowflake to hit?  Are you afraid someone will need to use the sidewalk at that time? Oh, and by the way, when the snowblower makes that gawd awful sound? Yeah, that’s the lawn……..

Ok, that’s five and we’re off to enjoy the weekend. My snow is already shoveled.

Have a great one folks!

Notes from the road – Beer’s Xbox world tour edition

Well, maybe not so much a world tour. More like a trip to Texas. To the repair center.

You see, on December 23rd my Xbox 360 delivered an unwelcome gift. It must have wanted to get into the holiday spirit and all, so it swapped out it’s normal green ring for one red one. No, not the infamous red ring of death, but a quick check online revealed that my console was every bit as DOA. Error code E74. General hardware failure fault code. Or, as it appeared on the screen:

E74. System Error. Contact Xbox Customer Support.

So it was off to I went. They actually make things pretty simple. Press a few buttons, enter a little bit of info, print a label and off it went. The only hiccup being the holidays and travel which prevented me from getting to a shipping point until after Christmas.

Which brings us to today. And the amusing email I got from Microsoft.

We are happy to let you know that your console has been serviced and will be shipped shortly.

Serviced, huh? Listen, I really appreciate Microsoft taking care of this. Other than the two Xbox games that arrived as Christmas presents the whole thing has been relatively painless and user friendly. But let’s call it what is is. My Xbox has been replaced, *Not* serviced.

How do I know this? Microsoft told me, that’s how. See, the Xbox coming back to me has a new/different serial number. That means it isn’t the one I sent in. Now don’t get me wrong – I don’t care. I’m getting a working Xbox and that’s the important thing. But let’s be honest, there was no attempt at fixing. Especially since it went from being “Recieved” to “Under Repair” to “All done and on it’s way back to you” in the span of maybe 45 minutes. Yes, I was tracking it on the website.

They hooked it up, verified the fault code, and grabbed a new one off of the pile and sent that one back. I’d like to the Dr. McCoy was the one to make the evaluation. You know…

“It’s Dead, Jim”

So now I’m simply at the mercy of UPS. Still, I wonder if the Xbox will come back with a bunch of stickers like a suitcase from the old Bugs Bunny cartoons? Probably not considering I haven’t even gotten a post card!

Ah well. Later folks!

Five Thoughts on a Friday – the Happy New Year edition

Shhh…. everyone is probably still sleeping, or can’t handle bright lights and/or loud noises right now. Heck, even this typing might be too loud for some. Still, it’s Friday and here are five thoughts to start the new year out with.

  1. It’s New Year’s Day. That means there are something like 837 different college bowl games on today. At least, it will seem that way. I like some of the bowl games earlier holiday season better though. Just for the names and the teams they get. Where else can you see a couple of community colleges square off in the “Joe and Fred’s Pizza and Rib Shack Bowl”. Still, the Beerbarrel’s best bet for today’s games? Penn State vs. LSU.
  2. Speaking of New Year’s Day and all the college football games. Why does the NHL think THIS is the day they need to have their Winter Classic? I mean, I love the concept and the novelty of having one outdoor game a year. But to have it on a day where you can virtually guarantee that half of your target audience is watching college football?  It just don’t add up. Which, I guess makes perfect sense where the NHL is concerned.
  3. If you listen very carefully this afternoon, you may start to hear some clanking and whirring type sounds in your neighborhood. No, this isn’t some type of robot invasion. It’s all your neighbors getting out the weights and treadmills. Resolution time is here! They’re all starting down that “This year, I’m going to exercise and stick with it!” road.
  4. Did anyone else notice the obscene amount of trash left in Times Square after the big celebration started breaking up? Sheesh! It would be best if people would pick up after themselves, obviously. Since they don’t though, maybe try NOT showing the garbage covered street (I’m serious, there were spots were you couldn’t see the pavement!) on national television if you want to promote the even in a positive light?
  5. It’s ok, you can say this last one is phoning it in if you’d like. We’re going with it anyways. The last item of the day is a very simple one the week. Happy New Year everyone. May 2010 be better for you than 2009.

Ok, that’s five! Now, I’ll take a cup of coffee please. I need to start thinking abut where to order the pizza from to watch the games today.