Monthly Archives: September 2012

Five Thoughts on a Friday – The “Ready Random References” Edition

Good morning, and happy Friday everyone. We’re back and ready to have a bit of fun this week. Now, the easy thing to do this week would be to talk about the NFL and the referees, and you, THAT game. But no, other than that one gratuitous reference, that’s in the past and we’re gonna have some fun with some of the  other, lesser covered stories of the week. Let’s see what we have on tap, shall we?

  1. Last week, we mocked a security official taking a gun through an airport security check. Well, now it’s happened again. A flight attendant brought a loaded gun through a security checkpoint. No, at this point, I’m not surprised that it’s happened again. It obviously happens way more than it should. So let me just put it this way….
    I’m worried about the gun, sure! But shouldn’t a POLICE officer be able to unload the thing without it going off?!?!?!?!?
    Then again, maybe not.
  2. My original thought was to file this under “What did you expect”, which is technically correct. Of course, that also places it squarely in the “This is news, how?” category. Right along the lines of “Breaking News! The Sun Rises in the East this morning!” What am I going on about? A man was mauled at the Bronx Zoo after jumping from an elevated monorail into the zoo’s tiger pit. Okay, let’s add another thought here… This seemed like a good idea to someone? Best quote of the article though comes from the Zoo director, “The tiger did nothing wrong in this case at all”. Good kitty.
  3. Speaking of filing stories under certain headings or categories…. This one could go under “Everybody Panic!”, “We’re Doomed!”, or even “The Mayans Were Right!” What am I talking about? The fact that there is a projected bacon shortage! They’re saying it appears unavoidable, which means all the “healthy alternatives” will probably be offered up. Fortunately, there’s a video that shows how to correctly deal with this nightmare scenario.
  4. I knew the moment I saw this next one that it would be going into today’s post. It doesn’t really even fit any discernible theme, but I’m using it anyways. How could I resist a story about a city asking all of its residents to collectively flush their toilets at the same time? And of course, me being me, this song poped into my head while reading the headline.
  5. And lastly, let’s finish with a story about stopping. Stopping what, exactly? Well, it’s a story about stopping your car. BEFORE you drive it into the nearest Florida post office. Yes, it seems that vehicle / post office collisions have become such a problem in Florida that the US Postal Service has issued guidelines to help avoid hitting a post office should one, you know, jump out in front of you. (You think I’m making this up, but that really is a legit article)

Alright folks, that’s five and it’s time to focus on my favorite part of the week. The weekend. So no matter what your plans are for the weekend, make sure you “Take Five” and just sort of chill for a bit.

Have a great weekend folks!
-Beer

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Five Thoughts on a Friday – The “This Might Sound Mean” Edition

Good morning folks, and welcome to yet another Friday where we ramble on about random things. Now, I don’t want to go all Dennis Miller and get on a rant here today, but fair warning. Today might be a bit feistier than normal. I had the “good fortune” to go grocery shopping the other day, and I knew it was time for a refresher course on some things before I even got through the parking lot. So.. here we go!

  1. Folks, there are laws.. and then there are Laws. The former are arbitrary man made legislation. Don’t speed, stop at stop lights, that type of stuff. There other is science related. It’s known as a law because it’s been proven repeatedly to be true. It’s your basic “If x, then y” type of thing. Why do I mention this? Because the amount of people meandering through the parking lot, walking out in front of moving vehicles without even looking is staggering. Folks, take the phone out of your ear. Stop yammering to the person next to you and look where you’re going. Don’t give me this “Oh, they’ll stop” BS or claim the right of way. Because here’s where the difference in laws and Laws comes into play. The laws of whatever great state you live may say something along the lines of “A pedestrian in a crosswalk shall be given the right of way”, and that is the arbitrary man made law. However, Mr. Issac Newton discovered some other Laws. They’re known as the Laws of physics. And you know what, when you step off that curb into your crosswalk right in front of several thousand pounds of moving metal? We can put “Had the right of way on your gravestone. Physics don’t lie folks. The moving metal (aka a car, truck, bus, etc.) has the right of way. It’s going to win that fight. Every time. So, don’t be stupid. It will hurt.
  2. Speaking of people being stupid…..  I barely even know where to start with this one. It seems the second-in-command of New Mexico’s domestic security agency was caught trying to bring a loaded gun through an airport security checkpoint in Albuquerque.
    Let’s start with the obvious… the “I forgot to leave it home” defense. Okay, I’m sorry you were going to a funeral and you say you were ‘distraught’ but you do not FORGET about a gun in your possession. I fly a fair amount every year. I remember not to pack the little pocket knife I have when I go to the airport. I’d damn sure remember a freaking GUN!! Especially when you work as a freaking security official! My favorite line from the article though? “Airport police chief Marshall Katz says he’s not sure how a person of Tallarico’s position could make such a slip-up, but added that it happens frequently nationwide.” Well, yes and no. Lots of idiots ahem, people, try to bring guns through checkpoints. Not a lot of security agency officials do it! Lady… Here’s your sign…
  3. Staying on the subject of guns… and stupidity… I think the phrase that applies here would be “This Will Not End Well”. As much of a fan of bars/taverns/drinking as I am, even I question the sanity of wanting to open a bar and gun range. This is not Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. This is not two things that go great together.
  4. This is not stupid. Hot on the heels of the news that former first overall pick in the NFL draft Vince Young is bankrupt, this young man is smart. Alfred Morris is a rookie with the Washington Redskins. And he’s still driving his 1991 Mazda. I’m not saying the man doesn’t deserve an upgrade if he wants one, but after hearing so many stories about players being bad with their money, it’s nice hearing one about a player being smart with his money. Even (especially?) at the start of his career.
  5. And lastly, we go from an uplifting story about a young man being smart with his money, to a story about some people getting held up. Literally! Now, I’m not afraid of heights, and I really wouldn’t have much of a problem being stuck up there at first. But the article notes that they were stuck up there for four hours. And what worries me is that “when you gotta go…”. Yeah.

Okay folks, that’s five and I’ve ranted, cajoled, congratulated, and made fun of enough stuff for one week, I think.  And since I’m getting static for taking too long to get this post put up this week, I’ll cut it short and close out. Time for the weekend! On the way out, let’s pull one from the obscure “Beer, how in the hell do you remember these things?” pile of new wave music. Nemesis.

Have a great weekend folks!
-Beer

Dear NHL…

Dear NHL,

I see you’re locked out again. By my count this is your 4th work stoppage in the past 20 years. Do me a favor if you will please? Don’t bother letting me know when you come back. Because even if/when you do, I’m gone.

I was a deeper fan than most. You don’t know me, but my family definitely knows you. I have a younger brother that I watched rise through amateur hockey, through major junior, into the minors, and (briefly) into your league. He even played at Madison Square Garden against a guy named Gretzky. I’m assuming you’ve at least heard of him? Turns out he was pretty good.

I’m one of those fans who remembers what terms like “Old Barns” means in original six cities. Heck, I know what being an “Original Six” city means. I remember when Bobby Clarke wasn’t a member of the Flyer’s front office, he was the leader of the Broad Street Bullies. I remember names like Ron Dugay, Darryl Sittler, Harold Snepsts and Brad Marsh as players, not just the “glory” names like Orr, Esposito, or Dionne. I remember Doug Wilson as a Blackhawk. Same with Denis Savard. Heck, I even remember Jim Craig looking strange in the jersey of the Atlanta Flames after the Miracle on Ice. You remember the Atlanta Flames, don’t you? You know… The FIRST NHL team to leave Atlanta? The one before the Thrashers left to become the new Winnipeg Jets.

So yes, I think it’s safe to say I was a fan. And yes, I do still consider myself a hockey fan. Which is why I’m done with the NHL. You’ve become that family member that nobody wants to deal with or talk about anymore. You’ve become an embarrassment to the sport. We lost an entire season in the name of you “fixing the business model” with the last lockout. And here you are again saying the economics are “broken”. You know what? I don’t care anymore. I’m done. I imagine you’ll come back again at some point, but like I said… I’m gone. And really, it won’t be that hard. We all got a lot of practice the last time you pulled this crap.

Have we mentioned the National Football League has started their season? I’m sure you have. They’re the big dog when it comes to pro sports. Aside from that, I could easily run down a list of other sports but in truth, I’m not a huge basketball fan. I do however have satellite television and the internet. And thanks to a couple of trips to former British territories, I’ve come to be curious about soccer (or ‘football’ as it’s called over there) and cricket (That’s a whacky game I’m not sure I’ll ever get my head around). Not to mention I live in a state with several good college hockey programs, as well as easy access to not one but TWO OHL teams. So what am I going on about? It’s simple really. You’re gone, and I really don’t care anymore. I’ve found plenty of other things to occupy my interest. So… enjoy your lockout, because I know I will. Rather.. I mean it really won’t even matter to me anymore.

Signed,
A former fan

Five Thoughts on a Friday – The “Random, Rambling, Rampage” Edition

Good morning folks, and Happy Friday. Once again it appears that we’re all over the map this morning. And that’s fine, considering that people were all over the road on my drive in this morning. You’d have thought it was ice and sleet, not rain the way they were driving (and crashing). Fortunately, I managed to navigate all of that. So… on with the show!

  1. The NFL is in full swing, and even though we’re officially in week 2 (With the Packers beating the Bears last night) I’m going to focus on something from week 1. Now, every week/year in the NFL there’s something that gets focused on. I understand that. But the pants?
    New NFL Pants Offer A Surprising Look
    Mr. Cameraman? Did you *really* need to focus on THIS?
  2. Hehehe… Okay, now that we’ve established which direction we’re taking today’s post… Let’s take this chance to remind everyone that when you run spell check, it makes sure all the words are spelled correctly. Even if it wasn’t the word you meant to use. So when you’re making a sign for the local high school… Oops. If you look at it and don’t get it right away.. take your time and spell out all the words you think you see.
  3. That last one reminds me of a line from “The Princess Bride”. “You keep using that word…

    Why to I bring that up here? Because in the “Holy misleading headline, Batman!” department. Today on Yahoo! there was an article about Mandy Patinkin. The headline read “Actor slams TV show that made him famous“. Which made me think… That’s not why he’s famous! THIS is why he’s famous!
  4. Also in the news this week, an apology. Now, I’m not going to veer into politics here (I’d rather veer into oncoming traffic, first), but the DNC apologized for an error in its segment where it was honoring veterans at the democratic convention. Now, I’m going to write this off as an honest / innocent mistake. Because I wouldn’t have noticed it, wouldn’t have known. What this is… is a reminder to the rest of us. When doing a big, high-profile event.. make sure you know your audience, and check and double-check your facts. And your graphics. That way, when you’re putting together a presentation honoring American Veterans, you don’t put a graphic of RUSSIAN warships up on the screen behind them. Because you or I may not notice, but you can be darned sure the Navy veterans whose job it was to know about those ships certainly will! (Fortunately, here at The Beerbarrel we don’t think we’ll ever have to worry about doing anything high-profile!)
  5. And lastly for the week…. because I can… and because it’s cool. A real life Hot Wheels corkscrew jump! I think that says everything that needs to be covered right there.

Okay folks, that’s five thoughts and I’m about to phone it in for the rest of the day. After all, I need to get ready to make more beer this weekend! Yes, it’s probably safe to say Beermaker has been on a beer making rampage lately (and yes, I’m counting this last part as yet another post that I’ve managed to work a beer reference into).  And who doesn’t love a good Rampage? (See what I did there? Used to love that game.)

Have a great weekend folks!

Five Thoughts on a Friday – The “I guess it’s time to write this” Edition

Good morning everyone, and welcome to another edition of Five Thoughts.  “Hey Beer, you do realize you never did post that ‘Notes from the road’ piece regarding our recent Boondoggle, right?” Ahem… Before we were so rudely interrupted by my (begrudgingly correct) brain… I was about to say “That you haven’t posted the Boondoggle recap?”.. No! I mean, yes, I haven’t posted it. I’ll recap it in this column, happy now? “Close enough, works for me. One of us has to keep track of these things you know”

Okay, now that we have that out of the way I was about to say… Today’s going to be one of our typical “All over the map” editions. So before I get any more unexpected suggestions, let’s get at it shall we?

  1. I had thoughts of being mean and/or cruel with the post and the title today, but a few things derailed it. I had thought about calling it the “Was that a Banana?” edition. But since I’d have to explain that line (From NHL Arcade)…

    just to set up an earworm. I decided against it. What earworm, you may ask? Well, turns out there making a sequel to one of my co-bloggers favorite recent movies. And the first trailer is out. And who doesn’t love Minions singing Banana to the tune of Barbara Ann?
  2. In honor of today being “National Beer Lover’s Day“, I’m stealing a line from the Most Interesting Man in the World. “I don’t always read the Huffington Post, but when I do… It’s about beer.” Or in this case, the top selling domestic brands. I do have some questions though. Since Anheuser Busch is part of ABInBev (based in Belgium) and Miller is part of SAB Miller (based out of England)… Do any Anheuser (Including all the Budweiser products) or Miller products *really* count as domestics anymore?? Just asking.
  3. I’m sure this really got a lot of the tin foil conspirators up in arms, but to me it’s much ado about nothing. Finding out that the Social Security Administration purchased 174,000 hollow point bullets does however, give new meaning to the to the term… Granny Get Your Gun. Now… Get off my lawn! It’s time for Matlock.
  4. So, a new study out of the UK states…
    Purple is the most amorous color, according to a new study which found that people who decorate their bedrooms in the color have the most active sex lives.

    The survey of 2,000 British adults by retailer Littlewoods found that those with purple bedding or furniture had 3.49 “intimate encounters” per week. The least active color scheme in the survey was gray, averaging 1.8.”
    To which I have to ask… and you verified the responses were true…. How?  Pervs!

  5. Lastly, in the “we’re gonna need a bigger boa..” What’s that? No. Really? You’re sure? Damn. No, it’s okay, thank you. Well, seems this one isn’t from the “We’re gonna need a bigger boat” department after all. And it seems that the pier was plenty large enough. If you haven’t caught on (see what I just did there?) to what the pier was big enough for.. well, there are pictures in the article. The article about “For the second time in two months a great white shark was hooked on a Southern California pier
    My favorite line from the whole article though?  This line…
    Martin added: “I have to say one thing that was funny: Seconds after the shark was set free a swimmer swam right in front of the shark and the shark went under the swimmer and the swimmer had no idea what just swam under him.”
    That Man… Has an odd sense of “funny”

Okay folks that’s five and I’m off to pursue a weekend of beermaking. Heck, what would you expect from someone who goes by the nickname “Beermaker”? In the meantime, a few notes from the road…
I am officially addicted to jerk chicken.
Red Stripe while floating in the pool is very nice.
Rum while floating in the pool is very nice.
In fact, EVERY drink we had while floating in the pool was very nice.
We did a LOT of floating in the pool while sampling drinks.
We got a short visit from Tropical Storm Isaac.
Compared to Hurricane Irene last year, it was nothing.
We ended up with an unscheduled overnight layover in Miami thanks to Isaac, though.
So we did what anyone would do in that situation… we went and had Cuban sandwiches and beers!  (Hey, don’t judge!)
We learned once again that amidst a screaming mass of rude people at the airport, treating the people you’re talking to like humans and using words like please and thank you get you a lot furthers than name calling and unreasonable demands.
Oh, and the US Customs agents will look at you like you’re crazy when your wife declares the ONE bottle of rum that you got as a gift when they ask. Then they’ll send you on your way.

Okay folks, that’s it for me today. Since it’s National Beer Day, let’s go with something that should be sort of appropriate to get us to drinking time

Have a great weekend folks!
-Beer