Monthly Archives: March 2013

Five Thoughts on a Friday – The “Public Service Announcement” Edition

Welcome to another “I’m off to a boondoggle while you guys go to work” edition of Five Thoughts on a Friday. I’m the Original PB and I’ll will be your host for today’s post. You may think by the end of this post I have some ADD working but I assure you I have taken nothing but a really strong cup of coffee and wow what a way to start an early day. But any way let’s see what we have to tickle the old neurons today shall we…..

  1. Imagine you are a fisherman and you are reeling in your catch and she that squid you think will bring a pretty penny once you get it to market. Once back at the dock the buyer weighs it and begins to process it and says that doesn’t look right and you find something rusty in its stomach. That’s when the pucker factor kicks in and you see it’s a live bomb. May be the squid was auditioning for a Saturday morning cartoon or something but to eat a bomb? Yikes!!
  2. So you are attending a funeral and you’re in the processional. Sad day for the loss of a friend. Driving along and you get a call on your cell phone and someone tells you your house is on fire. You flip out and tell the chauffer to go this way NOW and you happen upon your house on fire and the fire department working to put it out. After the smoke clears the investigator comes to you an admitted animal lover and says a squirrel started the fire by crewing through your power lines. Do you blame the guy for starting an all-out war on the furry little bastards?
  3. When I was a kid my dad said if you ever have no choice and get into a fight you better either be able to take care of business or be a faster runner than the other person. Sometimes you may not be either so you have to get the upper hand somehow. Well if you have someone that you are going to stab you better take and launch their prosthetic leg far away from them so they can’t chase you. This lady was smart because everyone saw that guy from South Africa run in the Olympics and he was pretty fast.
  4. So you doing some Spring cleaning and you see a snake under some brush. Depending on the area of the USA you live this can be a problem. There are several ways to handle this like leave the snake alone, call someone to move it for you, or take a shovel and smash it. I highly recommend not throwing gas on the snake and setting it on fire! You may cause damage to other things like your house! I can just hear the other snakes singing as their buddy who you just set ablaze evoke the ultimate revenge.
  5. Finally from the files of crime does not pay we get this little dozy. Please oh please people if you are going to try and shop lift (I highly recommend not shoplifting) please do the public a favor and put some clothing on. It makes it a little easier to hide the beefsteaks and won’t gross out the rest of us. So what is your defense when you get caught stealing? Well I hope you were entertained by these crazy ramblings of ours. Beer will be back next week but perhaps Kingkielbasa will be able to lock in some Five Thoughts time again soon. So enjoy Easter this weekend and don’t be Elmer Fudd this weekend….

Have a great weekend!

– PB

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Five Thoughts on a Friday – The “Boondoggle Bus” Edition

Howdy folks, and welcome to Beer’s last post of Five Thoughts before he escapes on an annual Boondoggle. That’s right… you’ll get a guest writer for Five Thoughts next week. But this week, let’s see what’s kicking around inside Beermaker’s brain…

  1. So, this past week saw the official first day of spring. You certainly wouldn’t know it from the weather though. And as a result… People are calling for Punxsutawney Phil’s head. He’s even been indicted in Ohio. Naturally, his handler’s are trying to defend him. Yeah, tell that to the folks in Grand Marais Michigan, where as of Thursday morning… 29 inches of snow had fallen since Monday. Brrr.
  2. I know my co-blogger Kingkielbasa isn’t really big on the whole zombie craze. And frankly, I don’t really get it either. I guess after the whole vampire thing, it was just their turn. However, I couldn’t help but think about zombies when a ‘dead’ deer jumped up and ran away when it got the chance recently. Check out the video in the article, it’s worth it. And also… The article says the officer ‘was startled’, is that a polite euphemism for “nearly soiled themselves”?
  3. Speaking of soiling yourself (No, don’t worry it isn’t going to about that!), tell me that it didn’t happen to this Corvette driver. I think the headline speaks for itself, “Corvette driver escapes decapitation in crash by ducking“. The driver of what was left of the Corvette left the scene with “only non-life threatening injuries”. Still, what was that line from that Bill Cosby routine years ago? First you say it, then you do it!
  4. Ah yes,  years ago… There was a time when I watched a lot of late night television. I’ve long since moved on from that due to schedules, life, disinterest, etc.. However, I was always under the impression that none of the late shows ever really did re-runs. They’d bring in guest hosts, sure, but it was almost always a new show. Then I read about NBC’s plan to replace Jay Leno on the Tonight Show. Didn’t we already see this one before?
  5. Lastly, just because it’s fun. NBA Hall of Famer Adrian Dantley is now working as a crossing guard at a middle school and an elementary school in Maryland. He’s doing, from the account in the article, “for the health care benefits and to have something to do” not because he needs the money. The part of the article that really made me laugh? Dantley said he “enjoys giving the young children high fives and encouragement” in the article. And I instantly had a mental picture of a 7 year old trying to high five a 6 foot 5 inch tall former NBA star. I don’t think the fives are all that high in that situation!

Okay folks, that’s a quick five and I’m off to get ready for the Boondoggle Bus! Where am I off to this time? Ah, that would be telling. You know the rules, no telling till I get back! I’ll check in next week and see what our friend PB has come up with for Five Thoughts. Until then, since it’s so cold… can someone please make sure the Heat is on? Thanks!

Have a great weekend folks!
-Beer

Five Thoughts on a Friday – The “Pre-Paddy” Edition

Top O’ the morning to ya! Yeah, I’m letting myself off easy this morning. It’s the Friday before St. Patrick’s Day so I figured we’d try to have a little fun. I even did this post in GREEN!! So, let’s see what’s what in the world this week shall we?

  1. From the “They must REALLY want to go out of business” department….
    News broke late on Wednesday that Carnival Cruise Lines had another ship experience problems while docked. The toilets were overflowing. This after one of their ships broke down at sea. Now comes word this morning that ANOTHER ship had to turn around and head back to Tampa, FL due to engine problems. Once again… I don’t think the Skipper is happy with Gilligan.
     
  2. With Sunday fast approaching, we’re getting a lot of articles with suggestions on what to drink (Beyond just green beer, and no – I didn’t brew any green beer for this holiday). So as a public service, here’s one of said lists. Please note, none of these whiskeys or beers is green, although some can be made green if you so desire thanks to the magic of food coloring). Just um, remember… what goes in… must come out. One way or another.
  3. We live in a world that can be amazing at times. The gadgets that we take for granted today were the stuff of science fiction as little as 30 years ago in some cases. But technology is so prevalent in our world today that we’ve found a new way to be amazed. And that’s by realizing how amazingly stupid some people can be. Including people who steal an iPad (That has a name and contact info etched into the back of it) don’t realize they’re streaming their Instagram pictures to the former owner. And likely, the authorities. Our buddy Red probably knows how to best describe this.

  4. The running joke here in town on Wednesday…. Who had the better day, the Lions or the Cardinals? The Lions, they signed several NFL free agents, including Reggie Bush. The Cardinals? They elected a new pope! (You thought it was going to be an NFL comparison, didn’t you?) In all honesty, I think both groups need to hope for divine help. 
  5. And lastly, with all the Irish themed talk taking place this weekend comes this story. Sometimes, when people get on a good run of luck, it’s attributed to the “Luck of the Irish”. And sometimes, when you’re making off with $32M from an Australian casino, it’s the luck of… Hacking the security cameras to cheat. Can anyone verify where Brad Pitt and George Clooney have been lately? They haven’t been to Australia have they?

Okay folks, that’s five and I’m off to enjoy a weekend of drinking green beer, and eating corned beef! happy St. Patrick’s Day! In the meantime, let’s go with something a little different. From Chicago, home to a green river and a huge parade this time of year, comes Bad, Bad, Leroy Brown.

Have a great weekend folks!
-Beer

 

Five Thoughts on a Friday – The “It Should be Obvious” Edition

Howdy folks, and welcome to today’s edition of Five Thoughts. We’re going to go a bit literal today. As opposed to literary, which I don’t think we’ll ever be accused of. Anyways, since we featured so much food type talk last time, why don’t we see what’s cooking this week!

  1. Apparently they’ve never heard of the Heart Attack Grill. It could have saved them some time, and probably money. You see, a new study has shown that eating bacon and other processed meats can increase your risk of premature death. To these researches I say.. Wasn’t that already pretty obvious?” Also, isn’t it pretty obvious that people would prefer to die sooner WITH bacon, than live a long life without it?
  2. Again… I have to ask, “wasn’t it obvious?” It didn’t occur to a single person that printing bible verses on rolls of toilet paper might offend some people who were likely to make a big deal out of it? You thought people would just “roll with it”? (And, wasn’t it obvious I was setting up for a bad joke on that one?)
  3. it should be obvious… that being based around the remains of the Motor City, we pride ourselves on kind being car guys. Or at least fans of some of the classics. And it should also be obvious to the writers at Yahoo! that if you’re going to list “10 Iconic Hollywood Cars” and include the 1977 Pontiac Trans Am from Smokey and the Bandit on the list, that car guys are going to spot the fact that the photo of a Trans Am you have shown is distinctly NOT a 1977 Trans Am. It’s the Tans Am that ran from 1979-1981.
    Here’s the 1977-1978 Trans Am – notice the front end! (Thanks to wikipedia for the photo)

    Here’s what Yahoo! ran…

    The sad thing is, the Yahoo! photo appears to be from a parade of Firebirds/Trans Ams. Which means they probably COULD have easily gotten a correct photo.
  4. And in news out of Florida this week (No, we’re not picking on Florida with this one), researchers tagged a fourteen and a half foot long great white shark weighing in at about 2000 pounds just off of Jacksonville. And after reading that said shark was caught and tagged in only 25 (!!!) feet of water, It should be obvious… It’s not safe to go back in the water! (You thought I was going for the bigger boat quote there, didn’t you?)
  5. Lastly, it should be obvious that we all hear FAR too much bad news on a daily basis. I suppose it’s a function of the 24/7 news cycle world we all live in. So, that being said… I personally think it should be obvious to be reminded every now and then that there are still decent human beings around every once in a while. People who do the right/nice thing.. just because they can. Like the United Airlines staff that held a plane at a gate for one passenger. So he could make the flight and get home. To see his dying mother one last time. Cheers to them.

Okay folks, it should be obvious that that’s five. And with that, it should be obvious that I’m ready to start the weekend. As one of my co-blogger’s reminded me, “It’s no Boondoggle” and it’s not, but it’s still a weekend, so I’ll take it. In the meantime, I’ll just keep thinking about being down in the Islands.

Have a great weekend folks!
-Beer

Five Thoughts on a Friday – The “Fun with Food and Other Stuff” Edition

Howdy folks, and welcome to today’s edition of Five Thoughts. Now, I’ll admit I may be taking some liberties with the “Food” theme today, but trust me… it’s all arguably somewhat food related. Just wait and see. (And if you’re of a certain age group like I am… you might be hearing an old Heinz ad jingle right now. Anyone remember the “anticipation” commercials?)

  1. While we’re on the subject of ketchup… I’m guessing prices may be going up slightly here in the short-term. And I’m pretty that the snow plows used to remove the remains of thousands of bottles of spilled ketchup from an accident site were never exactly designed or tested for that use. Don’t they know that’s what french fries are for??
  2. Okay, arguably this is more ‘beverage’ than ‘food’, but you get the tie in, right? And that giant scream you heard off in the distance recently? The one where you thought you were just hearing things? No, it was real. It appears it was the cellar master of the Chivas distillery upon realizing the scope of the “accidental loss” (aka a SPILL) of what the distillery will only say is “Less than the estimated 18,000 liters”. So, you lost less than roughly 4700 gallons of whiskey? Wow, don’t light a match by those sewers anytime soon!
    Could be a repeat of this classic scene.
  3. And of course, one of the big stories right now in the food world is the horse meat scandal that going on. And earlier this week it claimed its largest victim, with the horse meat being linked to the Swedish meatballs at Ikea. Be honest now. You did it too. Just like I did. The minute you read that headline, your mind instantly thought of this. Didn’t it? The Swedish Chef popped into your head.
  4. This one made me laugh. One of the big, hot “urban renewal” things right now is “urban farming”. Basically, growing produce on lots in the city. Now, in a “This is news to you?” type of twist, some brain surgeon has figured out that letting people grow food on lots that could have qualified as Superfund sites, could result in harmful chemicals getting into the food. Really? Those lots where a new development couldn’t go because of contamination, or where the 90-year-old crack house got torn down might not be the best soil to grow food in? Where are the Guinness guys to yell “Brilliant!” when you need them? Oh, here the are!
  5. Lastly, because it’s Friday and I’m going to be lazy about it. No, that’s not entirely true. When a fast food chain basically writes the joke for you, you should use it. It’s the respectful thing to do. So the announcement by Subway that they’re now going to offer six inch subs for $3? Hey, why not. They already cut their footlong subs down to 11 inches, remember? Yeah, Yeah. I know. Ba-dum-bump.

Okay folks, that’s five and I’ll stop playing with my food now! I know, I know. Okay, maybe just one more. After all, there’s really only one song to close out with here today. After all, you aren’t supposed to play with your food. You’re supposed to Eat It.

Have a great weekend folks!
-Beer