Tag Archives: Driving

Five Thoughts on a Friday – The “Eastbound and Down” Edition

Howdy folks! Yeah, I know.. you can already hear those first few notes…  Don’t worry though. I promise, I’m not going to be doing anything involving a black Trans-Am (For the record it’s a 370Z Roadster), an eighteen wheeler (okay..well… maybe), and we are definitely NOT going to either Texarkana or Atlanta. Yes, you are correct though. All this talk means it’s time for another one of Beer’s Boondoggles! So, before Buford T. Justice finds me, let’s get started!

  1. All this talk about fast cars and everything.. How do you even get ready for that. Well, by having your commute make this list. America’s Five Fastest Roads. And frankly, if they think that 81MPH is the avg speed of the top 5% with a top speed of 83MPH is an accurate reading I have some advice for them. Come back when there isn’t snow on the ground. That’s a SLOW day, folks. And yes, there IS traffic. It’s not an empty road.
  2. I have to use this one. I mean, how can you not be drawn to a headline like “Drunk Moose in a Tree“. Never saw Bullwinkle do that! Did anyone see Boris and Natasha circling the neighborhood?
  3. It’s a robbery, dammit! Well, that’s what he should have said. Invoking the great skit from Eddie Murphy on SNL. “I’m Gumby Dammit!” Sure beats dressing up as Gumby and then trying to rob a 7-11 store.
    Sadly, I can’t embed the video (linked it above) because I could only find it on Hulu. Still, go watch. It’s worth it.
  4. I have no real opinion either way on life beyond earth, but I do know this. If there is life out there, and they come here – they won’t be impressed. Why do I say this? Because NASA has recently released photos showing that we’re such slobs we even litter on the moon! Let’s face it. We’re going to be that intergalactic slob cousin that never gets invited to any family functions. Ah well, Springer re-runs are on anyways..
  5. One more travel note.. well, maybe an oddity. Billie Joe Armstrong, lead signer of Green Day (a band I like very much, btw) was recently removed from a Southwest Airline flight because… His pants sagged too low. Now, I’m no fan of the “Let’s show off our boxers look”, but it does seem a bit trivial to kick someone off a plane for that. Frankly, I’d rather tolerate that look that the “I should have stopped wearing spandex 150 pounds ago” look any day. Still, I have to wonder… Why is the lead singer of a rock band flying Southwest Airlines? C’mon man, party like a rock star! Fly first class. I’ve seen “The Wedding Singer“.

Ok folks. That’s five and I’m out of here! Eastbound and Down!

Have a great Weekend!
-Beer

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Snow? What’s that? We have to drive in it?

Howdy folks, and a happy snowy Monday to you. It’s been a snowy two days for us here at Beerbarrel productions, and so Beer’s here to share some thoughts on driving in this white stuff…

You see, even though we’re located in a state that gets it’s fair share of snow, every time it starts falling several distinct personality/driving types emerge on the road. Let’s take a look at some of them, shall we?

  • The “I’ve lived in this state my who life, but WHAT THE HELL IS THIS WHITE STUFF ON THE ROAD?!?!?!???” driver. Again, they’ve lived their entire life in a state that gets snow but act like it’s the first time they’ve seen it/had to drive in it. Usually going far too slow, or too fast. Anything except a safe and reasonable speed in the conditions at hand.
  • The “These roads are terrible! I need to let all my friends know about it!” driver. They’re all over the road as the call/text/tweet/facebook how horrible the roads are from their cell phone. While driving. Badly. They think they’re doing a public service, all while actually endangering the general public on the road at the same time as them. I have a simple word to describe them. Morons.
  • The “I have 4 wheel/All wheel drive, get the hell out of my way” driver. Usually seen going far too fast for the conditions on the road. Completely incapable of understanding the fact that while their vehicle does get better traction and can get moving better than most, once they start sliding in the slush or ice their brakes won’t be able to compensate for them going too fast. Often seen involved in any accidents you see on the side of the road. Sadly, they often take someone else with them. (Note: I saw 4 accidents on the drive into the office today. Want to guess what all four had in common?)
  • The “I only cleared off a peephole on my windshield” driver. The bane of winter drivers. Easily spotted by the roughly 5″ by 5″ (if that) spot on the windshield that was clear off. Everything else is still blanketed in snow. Headlamps, tail lamps, mirrors, all the other windows. They can’t see damned thing around them and they don’t care. They usually can’t even stay reasonably within a lane, but they don’t realize that because they can’t see the lane anyways. Somehow, they always seem to manage to get where they’re going in defiance of all logic.
  • The “Down Souther” driver. This is someone who got moved into a snow state and now has to deal with it. Usually out later in the day, if at all. This isn’t by choice, it’s because the closest thing they have to an ice scraper is a credit card, and it took them that long to warm up the car and clean off the windows. Generally easily identified by the ghost white person with the death grip on the steering wheel driving very slowly.
  • The “I have no business being out in this stuff” driver. As opposed to the Down Souther who has a valid reason for going slow, this person is usually a native of a snow state, they’re just terrified of driving in the snow. The mere mention of driving in snow usually makes them soil their pants. Often in a mini van or SUV which usually has some sort of traction control, they often in the far left lane driving like they’re in a 1970’s era muscle car with bald tires. They’re sliding all over the place.

So there we have it. I’m sure I missed a couple, but those were the once to come to mind as I drove around the past two days. As for me, I think I do a pretty good job, but I probably do drive a bit to quickly at times. Still, all in all I think it’s safe to say I’m far from the worst or most hazardous driver out there.

Hope you all got into work safe if you had to drive in the white stuff today, and hopefully this post lightened up your morning. Hopefully the ride home will be better for us all.

Later folks!
-Beer